Avoidance and How the Distract with ACCEPTS Skill Can Help in Dialectical Behaviour Therapy

Avoidance is a common coping mechanism where you steer clear of situations, thoughts, or feelings that feel overwhelming or distressing. If you have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), you might find yourself avoiding certain places, people, or activities, and even pushing away emotions or memories that trigger discomfort. While avoiding these triggers might offer temporary relief, it often leads to greater emotional pain over time.

For many people with BPD, avoidance is a way to manage the intense and fluctuating emotions that come with the disorder. The heightened sensitivity to emotional stimuli can make everyday situations feel like too much to handle. This sensitivity, along with fears of abandonment and intense conflicts with others, can push you into a cycle of avoidance. Though it might seem like a quick fix, the underlying issues remain unresolved, causing more anxiety, depression, and feelings of isolation.

Avoidance can create a paradox of emotional pain. On the surface, it seems to protect you from distress, but beneath this, the unresolved issues continue to cause pain. The more you avoid, the more these feelings build up, creating a cycle of suffering. This can make you feel stuck, wanting to connect and engage with the world but feeling too overwhelmed to do so.

Dialectical Behaviour Therapy offers hope and practical strategies to help break this cycle. One of the key skills in DBT is called "Distract with ACCEPTS", which stands for Activities, Contributing, Comparisons, Emotions, Pushing away, Thoughts, and Sensations. This skill set provides ways to manage distressing emotions without resorting to avoidance.

The Distract with ACCEPTS skill is particularly helpful for dealing with avoidance. It encourages you to engage in activities that take your mind off distressing thoughts and feelings. By immersing yourself in something meaningful, you can break the cycle of avoidance and start facing your emotions in a manageable way. For example, doing physical activities, hobbies, or attending social events can provide a break from emotional pain, allowing you to approach challenges with a fresh perspective.

Contributing to the wellbeing of others is another powerful aspect of ACCEPTS. Acts of kindness, volunteer work, or helping a friend can shift your focus away from your distress, fostering a sense of purpose and connection. This outward focus can reduce feelings of isolation and self-absorption that often come with avoidance.

Making comparisons involves reflecting on your situation in relation to others who might be facing greater challenges. This perspective can help you feel grateful and reduce the intensity of negative emotions. By seeing your own struggles in a broader context, you can gain a more balanced view of your experiences.

Generating opposite emotions is another technique within ACCEPTS that can counteract avoidance. By engaging in activities that bring positive emotions, like watching a favourite movie or spending time with loved ones, you can create experiences that counterbalance distressing feelings.

"Pushing away" involves temporarily setting aside distressing thoughts, not to avoid them forever, but to give yourself a break. This technique helps you create mental space to process your feelings later when you're more ready.

Focusing on thoughts and sensations, such as mindfulness exercises or sensory experiences, can ground you in the present moment and reduce the intensity of distress. These practices help break the cycle of avoidance by promoting a more present-focused and mindful approach to handling emotions.

Avoidance is a common and challenging aspect of BPD that can lead to emotional pain. However, the "Distract with ACCEPTS" skill in DBT offers practical and empowering ways to manage avoidance. By engaging in activities, contributing to others, making comparisons, generating opposite emotions, pushing away thoughts temporarily, and focusing on thoughts and sensations, you can learn to face your emotions more effectively. 

This approach not only helps reduce avoidance but also promotes a more fulfilling and emotionally resilient life. If you're considering DBT, the ACCEPTS skill set provides a valuable toolkit for navigating the complexities of BPD and building long-term emotional health. Together we can work through this.